My very rural neighborhood lost power early last Thursday morning. So, I offered to drive to town to Dunkin’ and see if I could get some coffee for my wife. Once in town, a truck pulls out abruptly in front of me with a bumper sticker that read “Shut the Hell Up!” The driver wasn’t paying attention. Not sure what he was listening to on his radio, but it probably wasn’t NPR. I thought about that message several times since then. I wonder how his parents raised him. Maybe they would approve of his bumper sticker meme? Did they teach their children well as Scripture requires?
Slouching Towards Gomorrah
It should be evident to most of us that our society and our culture are in steep decline. Very few movies, best selling books or music genres have moral messaging, and people today are often afraid to speak up for what is right. Many do not even report incidents of violence to the authorities out of fear. Too many people subscribe to a “Do what thou wilt” philosophy. We cannot maintain a Republican form of government without civil virtue. Especially when no one cares.
The challenge
Children at young ages (tweens or less) are committing violent crimes. They seem intent on following “that deadly piper” that the Hooters sang about several decades ago. If the child comes from a family experiencing divorce, they may be acting out the anger, guilt or the pure misery they feel deep inside. Or, they may be victims of physical abuse or child sexual abuse by step parents or some other adult in authority. There are many reasons for this amoral quagmire, but a good share of blame for this decline is that children are not being taught moral and spiritual principles and behaviors by their parents. Many parents are not up to it. How can you teach a child honesty if you’re cheating on your taxes? Accord to the latest census, thirty percent of children today live in single parent homes, usually with the mother. Young males are not exposed to competent role modeling. But even having two parents is not a formula for success if the child is not getting proper instruction in life skills, and must fend for himself. On the streets.
The task
God requires that children are instructed in the Lord and His laws. It is not the job of pastors, godparents and Sunday School teachers, alone. In fact, how many have actually observed godparents who take their role and responsibility seriously? In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 God says: “These words I am commanding you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” In other words, God and His commandments should be the topic of conversation at meals, riding to school, in between innings, when the fish aren’t biting and so on. And there is no shortage of topics. Heaven knows that are far too many messed up circumstances today to which to apply God’s precepts.
In Ephesians 6:4 we’re told: Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Furthermore, In Colossians Paul notes: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (3:21.) But there are responsibilites for the child as well. In the preceeding verses of Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians, (1-3), Paul writes: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
The reason we as parents are admonished to “Train up a child in the way he should go” is so that “even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. The early years of a child are the formative ones. Wasn’t it St Ignatius who said “Give us a child till he’s seven and we’ll have him for life?” And the mother has a role as well. Solomon writes: “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” Proverbs 1:8,9
In many instances today, children are perceived as unwelcome burdens, but this is not a Scriptural perspective according to David who writes “Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.” Psalm 127:3.
Because actions often speak louder than words, parents must be ready deal with everyday contingencies. An article in All Pro Dad features “7 Things a Son Needs From His Father.” These seven requirements include:
- He needs you to love his mother. In doing so, a father models appropriate and affectionate behavior towards women for his son’s sake.
- He needs to see you fail, not just succeed. When a child learns that it is “okay” tomake mistakes, he or she can better approach lifes challenges as an adult.
- He needs your servant leadership. Robert Greenleaf who coined the term “servant leadership” has on his website the following definition: “A servant-leader focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of people and the communities to which they belong. While traditional leadership generally involves the accumulation and exercise of power by one at the “top of the pyramid,” servant leadership is different. The servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.”
- He needs you to be present. This point speaks for itself. What is challenging for men who are the sole wage earners is to balance work and family requirements so that neither is neglected. Another concern is when a father is divorced from his child’s mother and has limited quality time with his scion. But, there are possibilities that divorced fathers often fail to pursue.
- He needs your love regardless of his choices. Even as adult men fail, children fail, too. This may be because they’ve made a bad choice or they’ve ignored wise counsel. Still, it is not the end of the world and their ability to get back on their feet may depend on your uncritical judgment and unconditional love towards them.
- He needs you to affirm him. Children need positive affirmations. My mother would tell me that she loved me and would assure me that my father loved me as well, but I cannot recall my father ever telling me that himself.
- He needs you to discipline him in love. Even though children are frequently rebellious, they do appreciate parents who lay down boundaries and expectations, especiialy when these parameters are reasonable and are clearly an act of love.
Note: While the seven principles are the words of the article, the comments on each principle are my own.
Society can only be restructured one family at a time. Increasing civility and communications under your own roof is a good first step.