It is no secret that one of my favorite poets is Lord Alfred Tennyson, and one of my favorite poems is his own Ulysses. The poem is a hypothetical monologue by Ulysses, written by Tennyson in iambic pentameter. It flows beautifully as Ulysses, now in his later years, surveys his life, wondering whether he and he shipmates who are still alive are capable of one more heroric deed. Or, are extreme exploits, awesome adventures and just ordinary good deeds and good times a thing of the past, forever out of reach of the present?

In a few more months I’ll be turning seventy-five with a history of several chronic health issues (including cancer.) I’m overweight, out of shape and <ahem> generally constipated. But enough about me. To paraphrase Tennyson:

I am not now that strength which in old days 

Moved earth and heaven, that which I am, I am;

I lived a fairly ordinary life. My German genes kept me working late many the nights, or rising well before dawn. My accomplishments and my disappointments hardly “moved earth and heaven,” and if I could do some things over, I would, but I cannot.

Erik Erikson on ego integrity

German psychoanalyst Erik Erikson (1902-1994) described “milestones” in a person’s life as he or she grows. Some of these are forced on children at a very early age as they deal with ideal or difficult issues in infancy and early childhood. Who among us in our fifties or later has not wondered how we’ll be remembered, or whether (and how) we’ve made a positive contribution to others for our life on earth. By the time one becomes a septuagenarian, they often think it’s too late. Too late to make a difference. Too late to right past wrongs or to make amends. Too late. People in their seventies can easily slip into despair wishing they had lived their lives differently. The challenge (or “crisis” as Erikson called it) is “Integrity vs. Despair,” and according to Very Well Mind, it:

Involves a retrospective look back on life and either feeling satisfied that life was well-lived (integrity) or regretting choices and missed opportunities (despair).”

Ego integrity refers to a person’s ability to examine their life, warts and all and conclude that their life was on the whole a positive experience. As Very Well Mind describes it, traits include:

• Acceptance
• A sense of wholeness
• Lack of regret
• Feeling at peace
• A sense of success
• Feelings of wisdom and acceptance

These people described above enjoy a sense of ego integrity. They are well adjusted. They are ready to leave this life to meet their Creator. But some people, probably far too many, draw opposite conclusions, including:

• Bitterness
• Regret
• Ruminating over mistakes
• Feeling that life was wasted
• Feeling unproductive
• Depression
• Hopelessness

But what can one do with bitterness, which can consume your spirit as much as venom can consume one’s flesh? How does one deal with regret? Ruminating over mistakes? Here, you relive the same event over and over, not realizing that you are digging a hole deeper and deeper making it harder to be delivered from.

Moses in the wilderness

As far as feeling that your life was wasted or unproductive, it is certainly possible that you are being too hard on yourself. As they say “You can only do what you can do.” Perhaps it is more of a matter of just “letting go” of whatever anchors you to those feelings. As a Christian and when I was in my thirties and forties, I felt that I was not moving forward with my life. My friends would be remind me how God took forty years before he called Moses who was waiting, patiently (or not) in the wilderness for the Call. I would question why God let another generation of Israelites suffer bondage before He called Moses. And what was going through the mind of Moses all those years? Certainly he must have wondered whether God had forgotten him or abandoned him. But if he did, then at least he did not dwell on those doubts.

In Isaiah 55:8, God said to the prophet: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways. . .” Verses such as that led C.S. Lewis to conclude when writing the Chronicles of Narnia that “Aslan is not a tame lion.” In other words, God has His own agenda. He’s not a performer who does tricks at our bidding. We have an obligation to love God, but we should certainly fear him as well. It says this over and over in Scripture. Look at the royal family in England even today under a liberal, constitutional monarchy; William, Catherine, even Charles, are happy to “yuk it up” with a group of common well-wishers at a public event. But no British subject dare touch a sovereign or turn their back to the King. Fortunately, this is no longer a capital offense, but there are sanctions nonetheless. Or, a trainer may swim with a forty ton humpback whale, and while the whale would not deliberately injure the person, accidents can happen, and in that case, who would fare the worse if the trainer was struck by a fluke? So, we can take comfort and be secure in our relationship as a child to a loving God, but we should perhaps avoid being overly-familiar with Him.

Depression, of course, is common to many people. We know that mood disorders can occur though no fault of our own. Some people become depressed as the seasons change (SAD.) Others after delivering a baby. It could be PTSD, or a hormonal imbalance. Or, it can be event-driven, such as a death in the family. I’m sure that some of the innocent children being freed by Hamas at this moment will suffer depression in the future. There is no shame in having to take a prescribed medication that allows you to once again take control of your life. And hopelessness is something that can be remedied by coming to faith, because God has a prescription (Jeremiah 29:11,12) of His own for that malady.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.”

Ulysses: Integrity or despair?

I think Ulysses had a well-integrated ego, and I don’t need Tennyson’s homage to know that because the historical record speaks for itself. Ulysses didn’t want to go to war in the first place. An oracle had told him that if he did go to war, he would not return home for twenty years and he would be a pauper at that point. As a King, Ulysses had a responsibility to his own sovereign to obey, but Sophocles tells us that Ulysses pretended that he was mentally ill when they came to order him to active duty. His ruse, however, was discovered and he was drafted against his will.

Ulysses was a fierce warrior. Yet, Ulysses was hardly a saint. While he expected his wife to be faithful to him, he appears to have practiced a double standard on his way home. Said one scholar:

Given his prolonged dalliances with the goddesses Circe and Kalypso, wouldn’t ‘serial philanderer’ be a more appropriate epithet?”

And Ulysses spend the entire twenty second chapter of The Odyssey killing men in cold blood who tried to steal his wife Penelope in his absence, and ordering the deaths of women servants for otherwise behaving badly. That said, should we be surprised when the poet Dante claimed to have seen Ulysses as one of the “fireflies that glimmer in the valley” of Hell? So, whether we should trust the poet Dante or trust the poet Tennyson is a matter of debate. Yet, Dante’s problem with Ulysses was not the warrior’s mortal sins but rather the fact that Ulysses designed and constructed the Trojan Horse to trick the good people of Troy. Assuming Ulysses was no worse than anyone else during that era and trying not to judge him by contemporary standards, for the sake of this essay, I’ll find support in Tennyson’s comments.

How does Ulysses counsel us?

In Tennyson’s poem, Ulysses is quoted as saying:

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil; 

Death closes all: but something ere the end, 

Some work of noble note, may yet be done . . .”

In these lines, Tennyson’s Ulysses understands that the clock cannot be turned back. Time only advances and night is fast approaching. Yet, retirement is not, should not, be a life of leisure. There are responsibilities, demands on us to family, friends, our community and country. To our God. To ourselves. But “ere the end,” before our eyes shut for the last time, before we go gently into that good night, some work, some thing may yet be done. It need not necessarily be monumental. It might be of little apparent consequence, but it can change the path of another for the good.

I’ve found that the best therapy for my own ills is to help others with their own. Visiting someone at a nursing home or volunteering to read to children at your local library can bring comfort, hope and inspiration to others. And, a sense of personal fulfillment. Or, perhaps helping at a rescue mission. Walking alone or with a loved one on a beach or pulling off the road far from civilization to gaze at the starry sky can be amazing when you are contemplating the meaning and mystery of life. Meditating on one of the Psalms in the Bible or just talking to God ministers to your soul. The tendency is to become overwhelmed, so economy of scale is important. For example:

The starfish story

You may have heard of the starfish story. A boy is seen at low tide one evening wandering down a beach littered with starfish. Every time he comes to a starfish laying in the sand, he picks it up and throws it back into the surf. A stranger walks up to him and asks him what he is doing. The boy replies that he is saving the starfish from dying on the beach. The youth then picks up another starfish and throws it in the ocean. The stranger shakes his head and asks the boy how he can possibly make a difference with so many beached starfish. The boy snatches another starfish and tosses it into the waves. He replies to the stranger “I made a difference to that one.” The point of the story is that we cannot singularly change or save the world, but we can make a difference in our own way.

The great theologian Martin Luther was once asked what he would do if he thought the world would end tomorrow. He replied that he would plant a tree. In this response he suggests that no one knows for sure when Jesus will come for His Church. Luther also noted that if you could know for sure that the parousia would arrive in twenty years time, that is no guarantee that you will be around to see it. Because you could die tonight and you’d meet the Lord twenty years before His return. So, for true integrity and lest you despair, it is important to ask God for forgiveness in His Son’s name and that His Holy Spirit guide you hence while there is time. Whatever bitterness or regret or despair that you have may be lifted from your soul.

Personally, I apply Ulysses’ advice by helping and encourahing others when I can, and committing helpful life hacks and stories to my blog, hoping that others may benefit from it. But whatever you do, please do something.

According to sources, Tennyson wrote the poem “Ulysses” after the unexpected death of his friend Arthur Henry Hallam. Tennyson, himself lived to the age of 90. In the poem he examines the meaning of life.