The Jerusalem Journal, 24th of Tevet, 3761

Tetrarch Herod Antipas demanded an apology earlier today from the Essene known as John-the-Baptist. The Essene stands accused of publically condemning the Tetrarch for sleeping (zitzn tsuzamm) with his sister-in-law in violation of the Torat Moshe or Mosaic Law. The Essene, who is also known as a prophet in Yisrael among his disciples spoke at a dedication which was attended by the Tetrarch and his Court. John did pronounce Herod as breaking G_d’s law, but the baptist also noted that there is divine mercy for anyone who repents. The leading Pharisees in attendance loudly gasped at the chutzpah of this Essene, some saying he misquoted the Torah while others said he was a fraud and neither a prophet nor an Essene. The Pharisees loudly protested that Herod is G_d’s messiah and that he will make Yisrael great again, so the baptist should cut Herod some slack. Besides, whether Herod zitzn tsuzamm‘s his brother’s ex-wife is no concern of anyone. Furthermore, they told the Jerusalem Journal that it was rude and insulting to embarrass the Tetrarch this way. But then they abruptly left the Temple because they received word that they had someone to stone.

As he left the Temple, Herod was visibly pissed (me’utsban), and promised that he would deal with John in good time. Some of the Sadducees in attendance tried to reason with Herod and asked him to treat John fairly with justice and mercy, to which Herod was overheard to say “He ain’t getting any mercy from me” (הוא לא מקבל ממני רחמים).

REMINDER: Next Yom khamshi, the Palace will host the ever popular Borscht Nite. Pharisees are encouraged to come early so they can get the best seats in the house. Borscht Nite is an opportunity to meet the wealthiest people in Yisrael. If you cannot afford the 5,000 shekel admission fee, then stay home because you are not welcome.

Feature illustration credit:Ian Dagnall Computint (Alamy.)